We got so high we made milksteak
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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