i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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