someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize