Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
