Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
