around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
