Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
