Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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