remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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