He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I came so hard my ears popped.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
