When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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