watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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