I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
