I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
