The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
