man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
