He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We have started to decorate penises.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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