Banned from zoo.
Again?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize