you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
