i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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