??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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