Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
