my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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