Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
