he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
