i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
