woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you had me at cake vodka
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
