He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
