Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
