i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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