Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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