the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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