guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
