the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In other news, I just burned my penis
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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