But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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