so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
