Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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