if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
