I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
