just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
