It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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