apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im six kinds of drunk right now
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
