fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
