He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
