and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
