I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
