I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was born a porn star she said
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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