Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
