I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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