Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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