She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
